Hardest to love?
So, I’m guessing pretty much every teacher these days has heard the quotes about how the ones who need the most love are often the hardest to love.
After 19 years of teaching, three schools, countless positions, today presented the “Hardest To Love” by far. I’ve taught and loved fifth graders with tough attitudes and crazy body odor. I’ve taught and loved hungry first graders with roaches from home crawling out of their coats. I’ve taught and loved the kids that all other teachers grumble about. So I know how to love hard-to-love kids. In fact, it comes naturally to me.
So why was it so hard today?
Today I couldn’t get through to a student. Today, for perhaps the first time in a 19 year career, I felt like I couldn’t handle it. In an instant, a child who has lived through more horrific tragedy than any human ever should, snapped. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t love her through it. She hurt a classmate and she hurt me.
She was the hardest to love because she revealed a weakness in me. I want all my students, their parents, and my coworkers to like me. I want them to always think I’m great. She didn’t think very highly of me today and that made it very hard for me to love her. She made me dig REALLY DEEPLY to find the strength to forgive her, and deeper still to be ok with what happened.
I’m still digging. It may take all weekend. But by Monday, I will greet her with a smile and a warm hug. I will love her because she needs it the most.
***UPDATE***
Today I greeted her with a smile, we spent time together, and she left me with a hug. I can’t honestly say it was my doing. It was her AMAZING teacher. This teacher loves her hard-to-love babies with every ounce of her being. She knows I love them too, but also knew I was hurt. She found a reason to have us spend time together, knowing this student had a place in my heart and learning together would reignite that place. If you have the good fortune to come in contact with a Special Education teacher, thank them profusely for what they do to change our world! Thank you, MM!!
After 19 years of teaching, three schools, countless positions, today presented the “Hardest To Love” by far. I’ve taught and loved fifth graders with tough attitudes and crazy body odor. I’ve taught and loved hungry first graders with roaches from home crawling out of their coats. I’ve taught and loved the kids that all other teachers grumble about. So I know how to love hard-to-love kids. In fact, it comes naturally to me.
So why was it so hard today?
Today I couldn’t get through to a student. Today, for perhaps the first time in a 19 year career, I felt like I couldn’t handle it. In an instant, a child who has lived through more horrific tragedy than any human ever should, snapped. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t love her through it. She hurt a classmate and she hurt me.
She was the hardest to love because she revealed a weakness in me. I want all my students, their parents, and my coworkers to like me. I want them to always think I’m great. She didn’t think very highly of me today and that made it very hard for me to love her. She made me dig REALLY DEEPLY to find the strength to forgive her, and deeper still to be ok with what happened.
I’m still digging. It may take all weekend. But by Monday, I will greet her with a smile and a warm hug. I will love her because she needs it the most.
***UPDATE***
Today I greeted her with a smile, we spent time together, and she left me with a hug. I can’t honestly say it was my doing. It was her AMAZING teacher. This teacher loves her hard-to-love babies with every ounce of her being. She knows I love them too, but also knew I was hurt. She found a reason to have us spend time together, knowing this student had a place in my heart and learning together would reignite that place. If you have the good fortune to come in contact with a Special Education teacher, thank them profusely for what they do to change our world! Thank you, MM!!
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